Tag Archives: motherhood

Say Cheese ….

Missing two front teeth

My son sang “All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth,” from October through Christmas. As anxious as he was to lose his teeth, he was equally anxious that new ones weren’t coming back in. It was taking too long, he lamented. Had he pulled them out too hard for anything to come back, he wondered. Was something wrong with the adult teeth, he asked. And on and on he persisted. He’d finally gotten what he wanted, and instead of being happy and satisfied, he immediately starting worrying about what should happen next.

My son’s only 8 years old, but already he’s exhibiting this unattractive adult trait. Aren’t we often like that? We pray for and work towards something, and then it finally happens. Instead of being happy, or grateful, or just resting in our victory, we start worrying. What’s next? What else do I have to do? How will the following steps take place? And so on and so forth.

Well, just as I saw this behavior in my son, I learned an important lesson from him. We discussed the situation, and he decided to just be thankful for what he was expecting – a new tooth to come in. He decided not to worry and wonder, and instead enjoy the present moment. And guess what … that new tooth started peeking through.

He’s now glad he took those moments to relish his two front teeth missing. And he’s excited to show off his burgeoning smile.

Say cheese ….

I Can’t Believe Fear Made Me Do That

It was subtle, I’ll admit. I called it other things … anger, frustration, staying informed, being aware, and just plain out wanting to know what’s going on. That’s what I could see. But what I didn’t realize was happening, taking root like a weed inside me, was a pervasive feeling of fear.

Like many of you, I’ve watched the painful coverage of the shootings then lack of indictments in the cases of Mike Brown and Eric Garner, as well as watched George Zimmerman walk after shooting Trayvon Martin. I prayed. I hurt. I cried. And I hugged my babies tighter. Inwardly, I resolved to do all I could to fight the feeling of powerlessness attempting to plague me. Though my boys are young, I slipped in nuggets of wisdom regarding dealing with police and presenting yourself in public. Things no parent of color wants to say. Yet things that must be communicated to our children.

I realized how deeply I’d been affected when I discovered a couple of pricing tags my son had from the store. To him, they were nothing more than something to play with – pricing tags that had fallen to the ground, not attached to any merchandise. They were like the coupons he gets from the machines for me. To me, it screamed unfair and unsavory accusations of theft, accusations and potential punishments. And in essence, I lost it. Instead of giving him a good, thorough understanding of why these items have to remain in the store (he’s only 7), I started talking about stealing, and how people won’t see it as an innocent mistake, and how you can be punished and taken away from us. I came close to crying. He did cry. I wasn’t trying to scare him. I was scared.

Scared of losing him. Scared of him being misunderstood. Scared that such an innocent mistake would be viewed that way were the child white; but for my son, surely someone would try to label him. Or worse. My son is an exemplary child. He’s smart, kind, loving, giving, and knows right from wrong. He was picking up a pricing tag off the floor, he reasoned, not merchandise you have to pay for. And while it still merited discussion, it didn’t deserve my tirade of sorts. I couldn’t believe fear of how I thought others would react to what my son had done, purely because of his beautiful brown skin, made me act.

My husband talked me through it. I went back to my son. I apologized, hugged him, and told him I loved him. I explained things the right way. And while I can’t pretend these feelings will immediately disappear, I’ll continue to pray – and focus on faith – instead of fear.

What Your Kids Really Think of You …. (get the tissues ready)

As I reflect upon 2014 and look towards my goals for the upcoming year, inevitably I want to be a better mother. What mom doesn’t? Too little patience, too much yelling, not enough hugging, too much rushing, not enough money … and the list could go on and on. But moms, we’re often way too hard on ourselves. And who better to show that to us, than our kids. Check out the reactions of these moms to what their kids really think about them ….

Click to Hear What Kids Say That Leaves Moms Speechless

He Loves Her . . .

He’s 7. He loves her. And I’m glad.

My 7 year old son excitedly handed me his math work. “Read the test first” he said, excitedly. So, I turned to the test, to find it covered with “I love you” and “I love (insert girl’s name).” Hmmm.

Sure it was cute. But of course my heart skipped a beat. At this age? Really? Do I have to start dealing with this now? So I talked to him about it.

I must admit, it was adorable. He smiled. Gushed, actually. My heart melted. It’s not your usual crush … she’s much older. It’s adorable nonetheless.

Although my mommy heart is aching, I’m thrilled with this development for several reasons.

1) He not only told me. He WANTED me to know. And instead of getting all weird about it, I simply talked to him. I agreed that the object of his affection is pretty and sweet. I said she may be a little old for him to “court” right now.

2) We established open lines of communication. He saw that I understood his feelings, and wanted to talk more. I was also able to “sneak in” some more mature thoughts about relationships and how exciting it will be when he gets to start courting the woman he’ll marry. Subtle, but I put it in there. 😉

3) He sees I am approachable. And genuine. I didn’t say he is too young to be thinking about girls that way (he is don’t get me wrong lol). Seriously, I let him know I understand his feelings and by engaging him, let him know his feelings matter to me. My prayer is that I am setting the ground work for the future.

So continue to write your little hearts and scroll those precious notes. As long as mom can see them first. :)

Yep, They Know What They’re Doing

Mischevious baby face

“Go downstairs” “Get out” “Go back to your office”. All choice phrases from my 3-year-old. First he was kicking me out of his bedroom. Then, out of the restroom – he wanted to do his business himself. And he attempted to banish me back to my office as I peered downstairs to see him jumping on the couch. After I corrected his language (Yeah, um, cute or not, you don’t speak to momma that way. 😉 ), I took note that he knew EXACTLY what he was doing. This kid knew enough to find a place to “hide”, do something he wasn’t supposed to do, then try to get me to stop looking while he was doing it! Lol. I don’t know if they come out of the womb like that or what, but little people definitely know what they’re up to!

Through Fresh Eyes

October - MLK blog

I took my boys to the Martin Luther King Jr Center last week. My oldest has been before, but it’s been years. I’ve been many times. I’ve learned the facts of those who struggled for civil rights, seen the pictures, and internalized the anger at their pain, as well as pride in their victories. But because I’d seen it before, I didn’t expect it to be such an emotional experience. It became that way by seeing it … through fresh eyes.

My boys couldn’t understand why black people had to eat and drink separately, use separate restroom facilities, and deal with the separate and extremely unequal school experiences. Being an education lover, my oldest son took particular note of this. He was appalled at the extreme intimidation used to keep black children out of certain schools; saddened at the thought of people needlessly brutalized; upset at the second class citizen treatment … and ultimately proud … of the non-violent fight, the legacy and the life of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Just One of Those Days ….

Three Things I Choose To Be Thankful for this Day . . . .

1. Television, and the ability to take a break and let the kids watch.
2. My kids’ friends … and their ability to entertain them so I can take a break.
3. Caffeine … in the form of a Coca Cola. I could use a good dose right now.

Yup, been one of those days.

Happy Thursday. :)