I have a filter. You have a filter. We all … have filters. We seldom immediately see situations through someone else’s eyes – only our own. I do it with career interactions, I do it while volunteering, I do it with my kids and of course I do it with my hubby. If there’s something I like or something I need, I naturally assume that it’s the same way for others.
Well, my son has one particular friend at school that he adores and is always with. Having been a child who experienced some lonely friendless times, I hate to see him put all of his eggs in one basket, so to speak. However, my husband tells me that our son has to learn lessons for himself. Also, in all fairness, I must note, my son had a similar “best friend” situation last year and got his feelings hurt, so I’m on my mama bear preemptive strike.
Then, I have some social situations that I really enjoy, and because I like them, I assume that not only does my husband like them, but needs to have them as well.
So one day I’m busily going about to make all of these social situations happen for them, and it hits me. Hard. Who am I really doing all of this for? If my son is doing fine, is it for him? No, not really, because as I stated, he’s fine. If my husband is quite happy with things, am I doing it for him? No, again, he’s happy. But doing these things makes me feel better because I think I’m helping them …. And I’m just doing it, really, for me.
So the lesson in this? Examine my motives. Though I mean well and want what I think is best for my family and those around me, I need to make sure it’s not really just for me.