I’d Rather . . .

My husband and I do parental checkups every so often. There’s no standard rhyme or reason to it. Every few weeks or so if something major happens with the kids, with anything from attending an event to disciplining them, we’ll evaluate if we need to make any parenting adjustments.

A frequent topic I’ll bring up is if I’m spending enough time with the boys. Inevitably the answer is yes. Subconsciously I know I do, but sometimes the slightest incident can cause me to question if I’m doing enough. Then I go through a range of emotions. First is contemplative wonder – am I doing enough? Then, it turns to concern – am I doing enough? Next I progress to fear – am I doing enough? Finally, I settle into confidence – am I doing enough?!?

By the time the assurance hits, I’ve convinced myself of all the things I could be doing instead of doing things for the kids. The litany of questions goes something like this:
Don’t you think I’d rather be writing than researching these activities for the kids?
Don’t you think I’d rather be resting than running around town for this toy?
Don’t you think I’d rather eat out than cook every night?

At the end, I’m pretty pumped that yes, I’m a good self-sacrificing mom.

A few days ago I had a chance to get some writing done when my son asked to play a game. As we played, the familiar “don’t you think I’d rather…” rang in my head. It was then that I realized … no, I wouldn’t rather. I wouldn’t rather be writing or resting or networking or watching tv right now.

In fact, there’s nothing I’d rather be doing …. than this.

4 thoughts on “I’d Rather . . .

  1. Beautiful! I really love how you’ve touched on something so honest. I don’t feel it is a bad thought process to have at all, to question and verify for the sake of growth. I’m expecting my first child, and I’m thrilled to be entirely exhausted. I’m looking forward to following your blog! Please feel free to check mine out as well. :)

    1. Thank you so much for your comments. I truly appreciate it. Once I got past thinking that I was not being a “good mom” when having those thoughts, I was able to better process them and grow, as you mentioned. And CONGRATULATIONS on your first little precious one. What a blessing. It’s such a beautiful thing. I remember those days of exhaustion (you’ll have plenty of that! LOL) but it is so well worth it.

      I would love to check out your blog. What is it?

      1. I’ll be honest, I’m terrified. But part of me thinks that by being scared, by caring about the well being of my child, I’ll be a half-way decent father. I’m thrilled for all the experiences life will bring with this little miracle!

        Thank you for the congratulations! My wife and I are absolutely thrilled. 2013 was certainly our year – married in April, bought a house in July, pregnant in October!

        Click on my link and go to my page to check out my blog. :) It’s called “Finding Fatherhood.” Looking forward to keeping up with your blog!

  2. Lol. I can definitely understand the being terrified part. There is SO much you don’t know. But let me tell you what you DO know. You know you already love this precious child. You know you already care about the well being of your baby. And you know you are excited about your “little miracle”. I don’t think you’ll be a good father. I think you’ll be an incredible father. I pray for God’s richest blessings for you and your wife during this precious fun time! And I look forward to “Finding Fatherhood” – great title.

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